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    Monday, 29 January 2018

    Winning Attitude 22: Resilience


    Resilience is one of those words we hear from time to time yet still come off as being foreign. Sometimes I think it is a concept that is better experienced than explained. All we know about resilience may not make sense in the hit of the moment but it helps to have an idea anyway. There has been an argument about resilience being an inborn trait or a developed character strength.

    Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences. Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience.

    Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn't experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.

    Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs. Resilient people don't walk between the raindrops; they have scars to show for their experience. They struggle—but keep functioning anyway. Resilience is not the ability to escape unharmed. It is not about magic.

    Sometimes it is easier to be a victim; talking about how other people make you do what you do removes the obligation to change. And sympathy can feel sweet; talk of resilience can make some feel that no one is really appreciating exactly how much they have suffered. To the degree that it is learned, resilience seems to develop out of the challenge to maintain self-esteem. Resilience is the capacity for a person to maintain self-esteem despite the powerful influence of negative influences. What the resilient do is refrain from blaming themselves for what has gone wrong. And they internalize success; they take responsibility for what goes right in their lives.


    Developing resilience is a personal journey. People do not all react the same to traumatic and stressful life events. An approach to building resilience that works for one person might not work for another. People use varying strategies. Some variation may reflect cultural differences. A person's culture might have an impact on how he or she communicates feelings and deals with adversity — for example, whether and how a person connects with significant others, including extended family members and community resources. With growing cultural diversity, the public has greater access to a number of different approaches to building resilience.

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