Traits Of Irresistible People (TIP) # 26: Be Generous

We all love being around people that have more to give than they take. Generosity works like a magnet; it attracts its own kind of people. If you are consistently on the taking side, it is just a matter of time before people begin to evade you. People who only tend to be on the receiving side can come across as draining and overly demanding or dependent thus ruining their relationships with others.

Generosity is both a natural confidence builder and a natural repellant of self-hatred. By focusing on what we are giving rather than on what we are receiving, we create a more outward orientation toward the world, which shifts our focus away from ourselves. When we see someone else benefiting from our kind actions, for instance, it is hard for the inner voice to argue that we are worthless.

There are very few people who don’t like the idea of generosity. We are indeed a species that loves to help others and confront needs when we see them. Unfortunately, there are also very few people who are content with the level of generosity in their lives. Most people I know wish they were able to give more. And while there are a number of reasons that this may be the case… sometimes the best solution may be the simplest.

When we think of generosity, our thoughts automatically drift to gifts of money or charity. However there are other gifts that don't have a monetary value but whose value is beyond price. These include giving someone a chance; giving someone the benefit of the doubt; and giving others a reason to want to work with you. It entails giving others latitude, permission to make mistakes, and all the information that they need to perform at their best. It's giving them the authority that goes with responsibility – it's giving them due credit for their ideas. In a nutshell, all of this translates to generosity of spirit, a quality we admire in others.

Generosity is most effective when the gift you offer is sensitive. Think about what the other person wants or needs. It’s not always about material things; it’s about being giving of yourself. Sometimes just being present and available to a loved one who is having a hard time is the greatest gift you could possibly give.

Generosity is a two-way street, allowing someone to express their gratitude is an important aspect of generosity and part of what makes you feel closer to them. It is important to be open to the people who express appreciation toward you. Some people have a much easier time being giving than receiving. However, it is important to let others do things for you. Being pseudo-independent or self-denying robs your loved ones of the opportunity to feel the joy of giving.

Generosity rarely happens by chance. Instead, it is an intentional decision that we make in our lives. But it does not need to be as difficult as many people think. Sometimes, starting with the simple steps is the best step that we can take.