Love culture #8 Forgiveness

When I was younger, I struggled with the concept of forgiving and letting go. I was the queen of silent treatment until a couple of years ago. I was not good at aggressively fighting back but never the less I would ensure that I get even. The older I have grown, the more I have realised that unforgiveness hurts you more than it affects the people you refuse to release.

We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another — we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over, and have a hard time letting go.

For many of us, the emotions holding the tightest grip on our hearts are disappointment, resentment, blame and anger. They place a stranglehold on our happiness, and the only person who can release them is you.

Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

Forgiveness can be defined as the decision to let go of resentment, anger, and thoughts of revenge as a result of a real, or perceived offense, hurt, or wrongdoing against you.

Forgiving someone does not mean denying a person's responsibility for hurting you, nor does it mean minimizing, or justifying the act. It does mean willing to forgive someone without condoning or excusing what they did, and then letting it go.

Forgiveness is recognizing the reality that what has happened has already happened, and that there’s no point in allowing it to dominate the rest of your life.  Forgiveness refreshingly cleans the slate and enables you to step forward.

How do you know if you still need to forgive someone?

When you talk or think about someone or an incident, do you feel a “charge” or get “triggered”? If you feel constricted, tight, feel a flush of anger (even subtly) or a surge of energy physically, it probably means there is unresolved emotional material for you to continue processing and releasing.

I must also note that forgiveness involves forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and errors. Many people continue to beat themselves down long after everyone has forgotten what they did wrong. The same way you forgive others is the same way you should forgive yourself.

It is only polite that you learn to ask for forgiveness whenever you are in wrong. Set the pace for others to follow. Be am emblem of love and those around you will soon adopt the same.

I can’t promise you that no one will ever hurt you again but I can guarantee that you can choose in this very moment to let go of all the pain and embrace a happy new life. You need to know that no one is perfect and people are bound to error so you choose to forgive them even when they are not aware of what they have done.

You can learn to forgive and forget because it is in your power to do so. Embrace a higher way of living by loving people through the expression of forgiveness.