Make
requests not demand: In life people have a choice to either cooperate
with you or not. Every human being has a will that we must all learn to
respect. As a leader and communicator, you need to reckon that you have no
right to make demands of others rather to request for their cooperation. That
is a sign of respect and everyone wants to be respected.
Use empathy: As a
leader I am often more concerned about getting the job done and achieving
results. In order to do this effectively I have learnt that I must try to
understand the other person before seeking to be understood and this can be
done by trying to stand in their shoes and see things from their perspective.
When we empathize, we are less judgmental and others will easily grant us their
cooperation.
Observe
without evaluating: Human nature is quick to draw conclusions and sometimes
we rush to fill in the missing gaps with our own assumptions. I am slowly
learning to observe others without evaluating them which also includes
listening without trying to assume the conclusion or solution. It is slowly
transforming my relationships with my subordinates. I now know that I do not
always have to draw a conclusion to everything that I observe, some time we
just need to take in the information gathered through observation.
Express
your feelings: This does not come naturally for me but I have purposed to
work on it so as to become a better communicator. An example is a disagreement
I had with a colleague but chose to keep quiet about it thinking it would go
away. After keeping it in for a while I was ready to explode. In the meantime
he had apologized and tried to give his side of the story but I still kept
quiet. One day he tried to talk to me and without thinking I just started
labeling him and calling him names which hurt him so much because he thought I
had already forgiven him. This could have been different if I have expressed
how I felt at the right time. That has become a lesson for me.
Listen to
people’s needs and feelings: As a counselor I learnt to listen to the feelings of
my clients and to respond to their needs but I would rarely pay attention to my
own feelings and sometimes needs. I would get so caught up trying to help
others and meet their needs that I would tend to sweep my own feelings under
the carpet which often caught up with me after a short while. I decided to
start journaling so as to keep myself in check and balance. I became
intentional about finding accountability partners to whom I would open up and
share my deep feelings. It is healthy to acknowledge how you feel and to bring
yourself to a place where you can freely talk about it. Find people with whom
you feel comfortable and start walking the journey of accountability together.
The more you freely express yourself, it will become easier for you to accommodate
and understand the feelings of others.
Understand
the difference between the cause of anger and stimulus: Sometimes
we can get so emotionally involved that we fail to draw the lines between the
root and the symptom. Often times the real cause of an issue is far deeper than
the case presented. People may act as stimulants but the real cause of anger is
often far deeper than what might have happened. This calls for soul searching
and dealing with the roots of the anger within ourselves by address unmet
needs, unexpressed emotions as well as childhood experiences that could have
affected the way we see the world.
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